T H E O R D E R S
The Orders of the Society of Teemasons
MMXXVI
Golf is a game of order.
To play Golf is to submit to The Orders. A game played without them may resemble Golf, but Golf it is not.
ORDER I
The Teemasons are inclusive in spirit, exclusive in practice.
Any person may swear fealty to The Orders. Those who abandon them shall be exiled.
ORDER II
Traditions shall be followed whether they make sense or not.
Do not question The Orders, for they owe no explanation.
ORDER III
Eighteen holes shall be completed in four hours or fewer.
Time is a resource; pace is a virtue.
ORDER IV
A divot replaced, a bunker raked, or a ball mark repaired is a soul restored.
Unlike your scorecard, leave the course better than you found it.
ORDER V
Perfection is unattainable.
You shall not be judged by achieving perfection, only by your devotion to its pursuit.
ORDER VI
The lie is sacred.
Other than on the tee, the ball selects its resting place until holed. Respect its decision.
ORDER VII
Thou shalt not seek quarter.
Ask for nothing: not advice, not wind direction, not relief, and most certainly not putts.
ORDER VIII
Thou shalt not give quarter.
Give nothing: not advice, not wind direction, not relief, and most certainly not putts.
ORDER IX
The Call of “Fore” is a noble art.
This is not a time to feel fear, rather it is a time to provide it. Experience reveals itself in the use of The Call. Let its quality match the gravity of the error committed.
ORDER X
The first tee is a courtroom.
Every golfer stands accused until they prove themselves worthy.
ORDER XI
Music is permitted on the golf course to the extent that it meets both of the following conditions:
i. It is performed live, and ii. by a bagpiper
ORDER XII
Courtesy shall precede the first stroke.
Golf is not played among strangers. Introductions and handshakes are exchanged before any ball takes flight.
ORDER XIII
The handshake is the final stroke of the round.
The score records the outcome. Your courtesy records your character.
ORDER XIV
The stroke demands silence.
Every golfer has the right to complete their own mistake uninterrupted.
ORDER XV
The next stroke is the only one that matters.
The past is irrelevant. The future is terrifying.
ORDER XVI
Scores are numbers, not illustrations.
Do not bore others with tales of what you should have shot.
ORDER XVII
The golf course is innocent.
The course already suffers from having to witness your play. It does not deserve further abuse.
ORDER XVIII
Do not blame the equipment.
Old excuses fit new clubs just as well.
ORDER XIX
Maintain your equipment.
Clubs scrubbed, grips cleaned, shoes polished. The score is never improved by neglect.
ORDER XX
The relationship between golfer and putter is sacred.
Do not seek comfort in another. Infidelity does not lead to happiness.
ORDER XXI
The standard for dress is not fashion; it is respect.
Dress accordingly.
ORDER XXII
Golf bags shall be photogenic.
Headcovers belong on woods and putters. Irons were never meant to be dressed.
ORDER XXIII
Tees shall be wooden.
Plastic is for lawn furniture.
ORDER XXIV
The ball that begins the round shall finish it whenever possible.
Scuffs and scars are the record of the round. Misfortune follows the golfer who retires a ball before its work is complete.
ORDER XXVI
Ball markers shall be made of metal and chosen with intention.
Poker chips are for casinos.
ORDER XXV
Practice swings are not a nervous twitch.
One swing is preparation. Two is blind optimism. Three is a cry for help.
ORDER XXVII
Rangefinders exist to confirm instinct, not replace it.
If the number and your instinct are at odds, hit the club you were going to anyway.
ORDER XXVIII
Logos shall be discreet.
Billboards have no place on a golf course.
ORDER XXIX
Unsolicited instruction is a sin.
Golf swings are like bedroom techniques; they require the same level of consent before intervention.
ORDER XXX
Additional Orders remain sealed.
Disclosure will occur as circumstances require.